‭‭Romans‬ ‭15:13‬

Oops, I did it again. (So sorry if the Brittany Spears song is now running through your head!). I lost it. Instead of being patient and loving and understanding, I chose to throw up everything that I was thinking and hurl those unfiltered thoughts at my husband. And I did it in the car at a Walmart parking lot last week. Fitting place for my crazy to come out. In the moment I felt justified, right even. My thoughts and feelings are valid, after all, and need to be voiced.
Then, I felt guilt, shame for my lack of self control, for lashing out at the person I love most, and also more than a bit of embarrassment that I now have to stroll into Walmart with that ugly splotchy face you get after you’re mad and teary and buy a pumpkin and pray that I don’t see anyone that I know.
Am I the only one that does this kind of stuff?!? A conversation starts to get heated and I give in…to sin. I hate that about myself! I hate that on that very day I had a conversation with my kids about being kind to each other and not saying the first thing that comes to their mind and then I go out to run errands with their dad and I do EXACTLY that!!
I’m definitely a work in progress. I definitely need Jesus. For as long as I’ve been a Christian and now, having the privilege to work in full time ministry, and it’s still the little things that I struggle with. Trusting in God when life doesn’t go the way I expect, having patience and self control when I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious. I KNOW what I should do, and yet still there are times when I choose to not trust and allow fear and frustration to rule my thoughts and actions. And then I find myself fighting with my husband in a parking lot.
What’s in our heart overflows from our mouth! When my heart is feeling overwhelmed instead of going to Jesus and asking Him to take my burden, I choose anxiety and worry and fear, then what’s going to come out of my mouth is craziness at Walmart!!
But this verse!!! THIS VERSE!!!
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬
If, instead of choosing to be a crazy person, I simply chose to trust, then God will fill me with joy and peace. God, WHO IS MY HOPE, will allow what is overflowing from my mouth to be the knowledge that God’s got this, to feel the power of the Holy Spirit working in me. THIS!!! This is what I want. I don’t want to be a crazy lady at Walmart!! I want to be a woman after God’s heart.
Girls, this journey that we’re on is sure not an easy one. Sometimes even the little things become big stumbling blocks. We’re all going to mess up, thank God for FORGIVENESS. But let’s strive to trust in God more. Let’s chase after that joy and peace that only comes from a heart that is listening to those Holy Spirit nudges and is truly making God our source of hope.
Revival. That’s what we’re after. Revive me. Change my heart O God!!
❤ Trisha